Archive for November, 2007

Le Smoking

Posted in Ramblings on November 30, 2007 by Milla

I love to smoke.

I really need to quit.

But, I love to smoke.

It’s certainly my biggest weakness, similar to the one I have for man ass (ow, I loveeeeeee ass). But here’s a cool picture a friend snapped a while back when my hair was rad.Le Smoking

I can’t remember why I was red in the face, but who cares!

The Big T is coming

Posted in Ramblings on November 29, 2007 by Milla

I haven’t done too much traveling, but I hope and plan to in the near to far future. I have this *possible* contract in the works that’d give me a little nest egg of money (barely enough to do anything with though). I can’t say I’m ungrateful, as it would surely help out with the bills and such (I’m terrible with money!!!) , but I might get the opportunity to hop a bus and just go somewhere on the map.

Last year, I moved to Chicago. I sold all my shit, packed up a small suitcase, a backpack and my guitar and bought a one week advance ticket to shy-town. I had booked a hostel for 6 nights and just said fuck it and went. My plan was to either stay in Chicago or more likely continue on my way down south. Well, I sure as hell stayed in Chicago, for only two months and then slepped my ass back home because I was bone-dry broke.

I couldn’t find a steady under the table job down there, so my money dried up very quickly, and I had to unpack all my problems again on the way back home. It sucked, especially because one person in particular told me I would be back soon, and I told them to fuck off. Opps.

So, based on that experience, I’ve learned a whole bunch. Like, for example,  not selling everything you own and going nowhere in particular. Also, not burning bridges with friends. It’ll be almost a year I’ve been back (next week) and there are still friends I haven’t called to announce my arrival back home. How sad is that?

So, with all this in mind, I want to travel again, I’m getting the itch, the bug, the fever to get the f’in out of here for a week or two and just explore something totally unknown and new. Maybe NYC, it’s close and I’ve never been there. Plus, I have an advantage over when I was last in the us…I’m 21! (Lock up your daughters and liquor, Milla’s coming to town!).

I figure if I can, next fall (before I go back to school), I’ll try and squeeze a trip to Texas in there. A lot of my friends tell me, I’d be right at home down south, so I can’t wait to make it down there, eventually. As much as I love my hometown, I’m certainly a more grass roots kinda gal, as long as political and religious views aren’t asked of me. Then, I might piss people off…but only if they ask, of course.

NYC, hopefully before Christmas time, perhaps just a quick weekend over there, do a little shopping, some touristy shit, book a cheap hostel. Hang out in Brooklyn with Gregster. there are so many possibilities, but the most important is that I go alone.

There something amazing about traveling alone. No one to hold you back, no one nagging you to do that thing you really don’t want to do. I love it, I love it so much in fact, my trip down south, I’m going alone as well (unless I find someone incredibly like minded in the things I like to do…live shows, fucking, good restaurants). But for the time being, New York is on my mind.

And forth I shall go, greyhound ticket in hand.

If you see me, wave!

Menage a trois

Posted in Ramblings with tags on November 26, 2007 by Milla

Back in the day, about two years ago, I was in a threesome.

Not just sexually, I lived with the couple. I loved the concept of being with a couple, and living out this fantasy (which taught me how barely Bisexual I really am). It was a fantastic experience that was rather short lived and I’m uber grateful for it.

The only problem was the ‘only happened’ a few times sex and the dynamics of the relationship were just ‘off’. I unfortunately didn’t fit in to the mentality which they had, and they really freaked the shit outta my friends. I was rarely myself around them and was always at whims with trying hard to impress. Under my own constant scrutiny to impress the Primary male (god, there should be another way to phrase that) due to his very dominant and controlling personality.

Thinking back to those 2 months (I can honestly not remember exactly how long it is), they showed me some good times and pretty fucking fucked up one’s too. I don’t think I’ve yet, really, I mean really sat down and figured it all out. My behaviors was all over the map. At first, it would do me nothing more then absolute joy to fulfill any request they had (not that they were bossy in any way, more just my willingness towards them), which eventually progressed to me sleeping around while they were on vacation.

Here’s a funny story for the books;

So, there was this guy. A man, a man’s man in fact. Real rugged self proclaimed asshole type (suffered from broken heart syndrome, I imagine he must have been an overall happier person before his first love dumped him), real rugged, real talented, real attractive.

When I look at his picture now, I want to scream at myself for ever thinking of this man in the brightest of lights, when he was nothing more then a spark in a dark room. Anyhow, we hung out and somehow ended up back at my place. My friend who was with us, left for work and it was just him and I. Sitting across from each other silently. I was buzzing (I don’t smoke that crap anymore) and had numerous beers on an empty stomach. In other words (not that I blame my behavior on this in any way), I was certainly more ‘talkative’ than my usual self. Yes, sir. Talkative while I remained there silent as hell. I’m not sure how this came about but, he asked me why i was so quiet, I said I’m shy, why are you shy?, because I’m attracted to you, yada yada yada .

He got up, we kissed and I could feel the soak between my legs become a river. Instantly.

I was not in the best state of mind, 19 and had a bad assed case of heat rash (which, amazingly hasn’t ever come back to this day). And right there, I was propped on the kitchen table in the living room, and a flailing arm knocked over a cup of post brew coffee. I remember him stopping and suggesting we clean it up. I clearly remember my reaction to this being I put my hand into the brown puddle and just wiped the brown liquid (ewww) on his chest. Fuck it! (I assume I exclaimed) and off we were to fucking.

This was one of 3 guys I fucked that week. The week my couple friends whom had specifically requested I do not have any men over at the house while there gone, in San Diego. I rebelled  in such a drastic way, I’m nearly ashamed to admit it now. That was the week, I became familiar with feeling stupid, and liking it.

I felt this need to put myself in terrible and belittling situations with this one particular individual because of how he made me feel. Strangely this is of absolute no fault of his own. He was nothing but courteous to me and polite and when behind closed door’s, he made me feel dirty, like a whore.  It became a routine. I’d wait for when I could see him. Go over, feeling sick every time (literally, I would feel physically ill when I showed up at his door, without fault), play shy, keeping distance and then, snap! He’d slyly suggest whore mode (i.e. soooo, wanna do something else?) and I’m set in motion for those feelings of self-disgust and degradation.

I say him, in normal light on occasion, with never a mention of what might have happened two weeks ago, two months ago. It was increasingly confusing. I hated myself for it. I hated how I kept going back to this feeling of uselessness, of self ineptitude.

But that all came after the end of the menage, which I admit put me on a little bit of a tail spin. I honestly look back at these two people in refrain and can’t help but feel disappointment in myself. Other times, I miss them and would love to get their voices on things going on in my head. Which is why I’m on the fence. Why I simply lay claim to the fact I haven’t yet really sat down and given it tremendous amounts of thought. This is why I’m more then happy stating a simple ‘I’m happy I experienced this in my life as it has broadened my views, in and of myself’.

What a load of horse shit though, I can say that about anything damn thing; like getting a bad haircut.

I’m on the fence. I support polygamy. I support the ideology that one person can romantically love more then solely one other person (ex, If you had met two of your most find girlfriends at one time, and time wasn’t an issue in terms of physical time spent with each one, would you truly deny yourself the pleasure of loving both women?) and I state I am not as sexually attracted to women as I am men, but I sure can develop feelings for a women. But, truthfully that another whole posting right there.

To mention, why the above story was funny, is simply this;

When said couple eventually came home from sunny California, a few days late, ‘she’ was about to use the sowing machine and saw the dry sticky coffee underneath. I was standing right there, and could feel  my face redden under the pressure of ‘how the fuck am I going to answer for that’. Sure enough ‘Milla? Do you know what might have happened?’ to which I smoothly replied ‘No clue’. She raised her eyebrows and just went to the kitchen to get a sponge saying ‘I guess we must have spilled some coffee or something’. I, of course slowly walked to my room, with a sly knowledge ‘Yes, yes…you did spill coffee while you were getting some really amazing head (No joke this guy could eaaaaaat pusssay)’

And I laughed out loud a little, in the privacy of my bedroom.

Until then,


P.s. I fucking love myself now, and done and gone with all the Bullshit! but, I will admit, I do like being treated like a dirty little whore from time to time, our secret!!! shhhhh


Posted in Ramblings with tags , on November 22, 2007 by Milla

Let me explain my last post.

Firstly, I was a little hard pressed for time, and considering the promise I made to myself to post everyday, well, there it is. Simple as pie! (warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream…I just came a little)

So, for shits a giggles the other day I was surfing GoDaddy. You know, typing in random shit, seeing what domain names are selling for what ludicrous amount of money, etc.  And, I recalled a few conversations I had had with a friend of mine, about how great it would be to open a store, to own our own business and to be our own bosses. We even picked a location, right near my house, and old abandoned McDonald’s restaurant, all ramshackled with ignored upkeep and spacious enough to store all the merchandise we had in mind.

So, basically here goes:

There are four walls covered with gear and in the middle two huge Hype Hdtv’s back to back with couches and facing each, with every cool game and console all locked up and accessible to paying customers (okay, okay horny pimply teens).

On each wall, there would be a different interest we have including;

– Wrestling gear (mags, figure, belts, shirts, and specializing in vintage and independent promotions. )

– Comic books (mostly DC, or all DC, and various goodies, shirts, posters, figures.)

– Video Games (specializing in older consoles including, but not limited to early Atari, ninendo models, and rare vintage games and Japanese special orders.)

– Horror Movies (and paraphernalia, specializing in Rare Vintage and foreign films)

And most Important of them all, behind the counter, several books. Kind of like those big Cd books you see, filled to the brim with porn covers (back and front) from which to choose from. We’d bring in imports, fetish, blah blah…basically, whatever you might not find at your local Vanilla flavored Sex Shop.

In other words, we’d own and operate Geek Heaven!

But, of course, kiddy dreams soon mean nothing when your start up capita is in the quarter a million dollar range.  This would certainly be a life long goal, but alas, REAL life comes into play and diminishes all of it.

So, to get back to GODaddy, I was just fucking around looking for interesting domains. Videogamewhores was actually available, hence the next day, I put money on my prepaid credit card, went right back to GODaddy and with a few clicks, I’m now the proud owner of a little corner of the WWW.

The two themes in this blog collide here.

Instead of an amazing store, which will never happen, I’m going to start a small simple site, and hopefully build on it from there.  Post links, picture…a simple blog really and take it from there. What I really hope to do is start a forum, and encourage talk across the board anything from Japanese bondage porn to Assassin’s creed game play.

I’m still looking for hosting, as this is all very new to me. It’ll be a long process, and even if it bombs and totally sucks major donkey ass , I’ll still try and have fun doing it. I don’t plan on making money out of it, just want it to be a cool place to find news and reviews. For Now.

Posted in Ramblings with tags on November 21, 2007 by Milla


Hello world!

Posted in Ramblings with tags , , , , on November 17, 2007 by Milla

Milla here,


Yeah, that’s actually me. You’ll be seeing me alright, the next little while, maybe even the next long while. Only time will tell.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m pretty darn notorious in the unfinished projects departement, in fact, I’m the recipient of the ‘most unfinished prjects’ award three years running. Ahh, the splendours of 21.

It’s really been 3 and a half years now, I’ve been on my own, an adult in my own right (i.e. Got thrown out on my ass by the system) and dam, I’m feeling good.

My life has taken many a two twists and turns (a few a which you might have the pleasure to experience full on belly aching laughs reading) but I’ve certainly come out the victor!

To summarize;

I have two kids (aka. the notorious Somoa Marquees & the delicate Cerise…cats, yes I am a lam-o)

I have a guitar likely older then you (1964)

I have an old school hip hop vinyl collection (Think…Girl ain’t nothing but trouble)

I dye my hair wayyy to often (do I smell admittance to addiction?)

I prefer WWII era Blues over Techno (ok, ok, you got me, I’d rather hump a splintered pole then listen to techno)

I had a friend amicably named Vomit rat in my teens (Vomit Rat….where are you???)

And I love getting naked in front of camera’s . Oh look, no ‘in quotations’.

I love fetish (Can anyone spell P-A-R-T-Y?…pin the tail on the slave girl)

Lastly, to complete my list of randomness;

I love writing. I used to carry a journal around with me at all times, but hey. Digital age baby! I still carry one around with me, with a drawing pen (Good felt tip = Le Sexe), but it suffers from days on end of emptiness. So, voila! here am I.

I’m making a promise to myself. I WILL WRITE AT LEAST ONE POSTING A DAY. Please, if anyone ever sees this;

Hold me to it! And spank me if I misbehave (please!)

Until then,

Au revoir!


BlueClit? aka BluePussy

Posted in Ramblings on November 16, 2007 by Milla

Blue Pussy

We’ve all heard of BlueBall’s…but what about my girls and BlueClit?

BPS, Also known as Blue Pussy Syndrome, can have devastating effects on one’s psychological well being and of those in the immediate environment surrounding the sufferer. It was officialy recognized by the DSM IV in the 2003, with much debate in the mental health community.

Yes, contrary to popular belief, this multi symptom disorder can occur in women aged 16-65. It has been known to present itself as a physical manifestation due to high stress and lack of worthwhile men in the immediate surroundings.

Symptoms may include, but not limited to: vaginal dryness, constant nagging, being a cunt, lack of Le Sexe, bitchyness, cockteasing and blocking, unceasing hard nipples, etc.

If yourself, or anyone you know have presented any of these symptoms, seek big hard cock immediately!